not of this world

alright.

2011-08-03T19:14:00.000-07:00

getting back on board.

hmm.. kinda been a while..

2010-01-08T13:02:00.000-08:00

yeah, looks like i slacked for a few months.. but that's only because i've been hard-coreing it at college.. if you don't watch it, these lectures will suck your life away.. but really, i've been way blessed these past few months.. I don't know what God's thinkin, giving me all that He has.. but nevertheless He is.. and I am far more than thankful for it..

well. that's basically it. I just needed to tell the internet since I've told everyone else that God is sweet. and I'm glad He is mine and I'm glad I am His..

love yall.

day ten.

2009-10-06T20:05:00.000-07:00

we went out to meet up with three of our new friends today. and we discussed every topic imaginable. and ate crazy new indian food. and they LOVED watching us eat it. it was apparently funny. and then for dessert, they took us to this place that has been there since the 30's. so its basically the only thing there that's kept up. and we ate, well, dipped this cool dessert bread in this chai tea. mmm. and all the while having waaaay awesome conversation.

and then we went back to one of our friends house, and checked out her amaaaazing portfolio, (crazy talented photographer, i tell ya.). met her parents. and read their magazine. ((i know this is hard to believe. but two of our friends work for an indian magazine, and im so sorry i can't recall the name, but its the vouge of india. i think the name of it is even vouge translated.. cool, right??))

i really can't express how great this day was. we were able to share so much of Christ has done in our lives. and they were so totally engaged and wanted to know more and more. and baby, we gave it to em.

antyways. when we were leaving, my friend tells me, ((and this is EPIC.))

"After talking to you guys, you've really changed our views of Christians. and Americans. You do not fit the stereotype."

:) who knows??

day nine.

2009-10-02T14:04:00.000-07:00

today. was crazy rickshaw day.

rickshaw driver #1.

had a "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life" sticker inside the rickshaw. so, i had to break the boy/girl communication rule to ask. just had to. i said, 'hey man!! you believe in Jesus?!" he turned around, looked me in the eye. and said in a like, umm duh way, "well, yeah!" short. blunt. beautiful.

rickshaw driver #2.

haha.. this still makes me laugh out loud. because rickshaws are pretty much the jankiest form of transportation ever. just to honest. but this dude.. had a system in his little rickshaw. i mean, big ole speakers. tweeters and woofers and all. it was soo funny. we jammed all over the town to some intense indian beats.

rickshaw driver #3.

almost got in a fight. by the rickshaw pimp.

honest.

apparently, when there is a group of rickshaws, they establish who gets the next group of people that need a ride. well, we just walked up and jumped in one. and as the guy starts to drive off, the rickshaw pimp comes over and hits our rickshaw, making it shut-off, of course.. and they went at it.. yelling LOUD, in this foreign language. making just the biggest scene ever.. and rickshaw pimp would just bow up, and our guy would pull his fist back, and rickshaw pimp would kick our rickshaw. it was intense. and we were just sitting there. debating what we should do. but then thankfully, another guy came up and grabbed the pimp and drug him away, and as he did, he kicked the rickshaw, starting it up again.

oooooh!! we met this pizza hut waiter boy that we just knew HAD to know Jesus.. cause he was the happiest guy in this whole country.. so we called him Jesus.. ((not to his face tho)) and well, today, he gave us free dessert. :)

and we went shopping today, and i tell you what. i don't know if people were just super nice to us, because we were american and they thought we had a lot of money to spend at their businesses, but they were waaay friendly.. we had so much fun.. they just hung out and joked along with us the whole time we were shopping.. we just shared so many stories, laughs, and bargains.. it was seriously so much fun. i wish the american shopping experience could be as grand.

and this morning, we woke up to check out this whole mosk call thing.. which is just where people wake up at like 5. (mind you, that people do not even get out until 11 here..) and they get up to ring these bells and play these drums for all the gods.. and we're up hearing this stuff, and it was pathetic.

empty.

just a repetitive cry.

sad.

but hey, that's why we're here!! to let em know!!

day eight.

2009-09-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

Facts.

1. 400,000 out of 600,000 villages do not even have a single christian presence. ((not a person who keeps Jesus to himself, not someone who knows about Jesus, i mean, not even a single PRESENCE!!))

2. northern indians look oriental. and we found this underground northern indian church this morning. best church i've ever been to. they talked like chinese people. the preacher started with, and i quote, "I ROVE THE LORD!!"

3. we stopped a parade. literally. the people broke away from the line-up to come take pictures with us and dance for us. ((as you can assume, this story is waaay more extravagant to type on a blog. this story requires hand movements. big ones.))

4. to further convince me it's a bad idea to give little children money, this little girl followed us for about a mile, and we finally stopped to give her some rupees and she shook her head and went to walk away. then we found fruit gushers. and she ran back. ((and honestly, who wouldn't? i'm beginning to think we should start a fruit gusher ministry.. i know if someone showed me the love of Christ via such candy, i'd surely believe in Him.. cause those things are hard to give away..))

5. i rode a camel. it bucked.

day seven.

2009-09-15T19:37:00.000-07:00

i think if i absolutely had to pick a favorite day, it would be this day.

emily, sara, and i were walking around karnigie park.. (around which is a place called Osho.. so the majority of indians believe that's why americans come there.. to experience all that mess.. and if you don't know what Osho is, look it up.. or well, maybe you shouldn't.. it's basically a huge place where people go for sexual experiments in the form of "meditation".. yeah.. and that's their view of us.. just a bunch of selfish white punks that can't live without orgies..)

well, we stopped to check out this little shoe cart and we look up and see tons and tons of the Osho robes.. (everyone has to wear a maroon robe to enter Osho) and when we see everyone staring us down while we're gawking at the robes, we decided it best to just leave..

well, me and sara look up and emily is screaming, wailing her arms and just runs across the street.. (these streets are CRAZY BUSY, by the way.. traffic ALL the time..)) and we had no idea what she was doing.. and then i realized. and too started throwing my arms everywhere and dashed across the road..

we found an elephant.

we had been praying for this opportunity for only our WHOLE LIVES!!! and me and em are freaking out, naturally.. and sara comes up and was like 'yall calm down, or he'll rip you off'.. so, we tried to keep it together.. but it was unsuccessful.. sara just had to talk him down from the ridiculous charge to ride the elephant.. ((we rode that elephant for less than 4 american dollars.. and Lord knows i'da paid a million..))

well. this is how you get on the thing. he kneels on his back legs.. and you have to step on his ginormous foot and climb up his tail.. got this visual?? and then you just hugged his butt/back until you could grab the crate in the middle of his back.. (and i was surprisingly good at getting on this beast..)

ok. we are all on the elephant. me, em, sara, and the 'driver', i guess.. and naturally i assumed this crate we were on would be sturdy and tightly fastened to this massive animal.. False. when this big ole dude took a step, we went slidin.. and had to shift our weight every single time he moved. or we would tumble off 5,000 feet down.. and when i look around, we had drawn a crowd!! hahaha.. i promise like 50 people were standing around laughing hysterically.. and i tell you why.. if these guys had never heard of Jesus before in their lives, they definitely knew about him before we got off.. i was praying like nobody's business.. "OOOOH JESUS!!! HELP ME LORD! not fall of this crazy animal!! oh sweet Jesus.. i love you, and i know you love me back, so help us ride this elephant and i'm sorry i had to get higher when you did in fact say lo i am with you always.." and God only knows what else i screamed at him.. i had the time of my life on that elephant.. so much fun..

and if we touched no one else in india, we definitely blessed the 150 people that stopped to watch us (and video, YES THEY VIDEOD US!!).. they laughed until they cried.. crazy white people..

and i must confess, i did a horrible thing after the ride. i was SOOO excited and so thankful for this experience, i hugged the old driver man.. i just couldn't help it.. i was so happy..

k. glad that's off my chest.. ;)

AND! we met some amazing and beautiful girls today.. i just went up, sat at their table and took off just a talking.. you would have thought we were all best friends i swear..

and conversation was amazing.. and i'd love to re-cap it all, but i'll just share one of my fav. highlights..

me: (-insert my testimony here-) Jesus loves me like crazy.. my heart is new and now i love him like crazy.. he really changed me..

super cool new indian friend: awwwwww!! that's so sweet!!

hahaaha.. yeah.. it is sweet, ain't it??

day six.

2009-09-13T14:54:00.000-07:00

so today, we went to the temples.. and honestly, it just totally ticked me off.. everyone else was so sad about this devotion to false gods.. and yeah, i mean, it is sad, but i was just mad about it..

here's why.

they seriously had to RING a BELL to WAKE UP their god.. what the heck??

and they brought flowers and offerings to lay before the "god" that was locked up in this cage.. and who knows if he was even really in there!??

and they kissed the walls, prayed on the walls, whatever they could to the precious walls..

i mean, it just seems to me like eventually after years and years of wall kissin and bell ringin, you would realize that this is just not the way.. even despite the thousands of years your ancestors have been doin it..

but i was walkin around the temple and i go and sit by this girl crying.. i dont know what was wrong with her.. ((probably a lot..)) but i did get to talk to her.. and i'm asking about the gods and all, and she just blabbed some stuff.. i asked her if these gods fulfilled her.. and she replies 'yes', while these tears are just streaming down her face.. soooo, i guessed she lied on that one.. and i asked what else they did.. and after a lot of thinking, she said this one god grants wishes.. so i was like, man, that's cool.. ((cause wouldn't it be??)) and then i asked if hers were ever granted and she said yes.. but couldn't give an example.. ((and i'm thinking, man, if these guys are granting wishes, what the heck are yall wishin for?!?! homeless people and poverty EVERYWHERE.. people totally starving every time you turn your head.. i don't see any corvettes anywhere.. i don't see skittle trees anywhere.. i mean, what the world kind of wishes are yall wishing??)) needless to say, i took this as total crap.

and i try to ask more questions, and she confesses she really didn't know a whole lot about the gods or hinduism.. and i could tell..

but the whole thing was just so sad.. her eyes were so gone.. not "lost".. but just so devoted to every other god ever that she was way too blind to see GOD'S (singular) greatness..

saddest story ever..

day five.

2009-09-12T08:38:00.000-07:00

the town is still yet to get used to us apparently.. the great picture war is still going on.. but today these chicks were gettin funny with it.. there was a glass wall between our group and a group of college girls.. and they were trying so hard to be inconspicuous with it.. you know, like, "hey (insert indian lady name here)! let me get a picture of you!" and then they position themselves in front of us and then they move when they actually take a picture.. yah.. but as they do this for yet another 4th time, i just turn my head and cheese hard for that picture.. and this girl was so shocked.. hahaha.. but we shared a good jolly laugh together.. through the glass wall..

***

alright.. now.. we have been hearing this one particular indian song EVERYDAY.. it must be a very popular one.. well, of course i can't make out the words, but i know the tune so well i can't help but sing it.. and i feel it must not be in english.. it has to be another language.. well, i know a little spanish.. Jesus te ama.. so there i was singing spanish to this popular indian song.. ALL the time..

and it occurs to me as i'm singing Jesus Te Ama, that NO ONE here knows spanish!! if anything, they might know some english.. so i drop that song and pick up with 'Jesus Loves Me'.. and as i'm ever so cheerfully singing this, 2 guys ride by on a bike and start singing along!!! yes!!! they know Jesus Loves Me!!! and sang in unison with us the whole song.. until their bike pedaled their voices away..

how cool is that??

i'm thinking they were some angels, yall..

God is everywhere. no doubt.. people just need to look around a little bit..

((this was the ONLY dumpster in the WHOLE town where the trash was actually IN the dumpster))

day four.

2009-09-11T08:44:00.000-07:00

oh man.. one of our girls got sick.. like reeeeeeeeal sick.. so we spent a lot of time with her at the hospital.. we thought she'd enjoy our company.. but i don't think i was very helpful.. i just kept telling her to get up.. and just leave..

i thought she was fakin it.. so..

(she wasn't.. she was actually very ill.. but she's good now!!!!!!)

***

oh man. they have chicken lolly pops here.. how cool is that!!! yes, like chicken sucker looking things.. soooo good.. and they sell cups of corn!!! like where in america, you would see a maggie moos selling cups of ice cream or people walking around with an auntie anns pretzel.. nope, here, it is a cup of corn..

((and i took it upon myself to quote one of the all-time greatest movies ever, NACHO LIBRE.. and yelled across the mall, "hey!! hey!! save me some of that corn for later!!!".. not thinking the guy would actually hear me and save me some corn.. but when we went up the escalator, the little corn guy was yelling "hey! don't you want your corn?!!"..))

my snaps..

***

its still weird over here.. like, the ways you would normally show the love of Christ, would just send a totally different message here.. like talking to people of all ranks, would show that you are disrespectful.. :( and smiling at people would show that you are just apparently a little promiscuous.. and hugging would send the same message..

so, i was out of ammo for a little while.. those were my best love tools..

((on a side note, i believe that eventually people just realized i was american and that was the way we love and respect people, so i feel that ultimately they knew i was showing them something new and something real..))

day three.

2009-09-10T21:20:00.000-07:00

man.. the people here in india, and well, americans too, just do not get what a christian is.. and i must admit, its because we have skewed the image.. they don't get christianity as a different religion.. ugh.. religion.. i don't even consider it even a religion.. it's a relationship.. but people see it as dropping things, habits.. setting your 'life' aside, taking it easy.. but where the heck does God say that?? we are supposed to be taking risks!! there is a REAL war going on here.. and God wants us to be fighting in it. front line.. we are to be the wildest of them all.. adventurous.. not sitting back, hiding.. not doing all we can to try and "earn grace".. (oxymoron!!) maybe we should clarify that following Christ is not church every sunday, bible at five o'clock every morning, but putting your life at risk and fighting for Christ.. loving.. and SHOW them real christianity..

just sayin..

day two.

2009-09-09T07:17:00.000-07:00

so today we met up with a guy that lives there in Pune and has dedicated his life to the Lord and to the people of Pune.. he gave us a run-down of the culture and things to expect and whatnot.. and we all shared our testimonies.. and that was just such a blessing.. it was nice to hear everyone's story.. it was just crazy encouraging.. these people in my group all had a sincere and wonderful heart.. and i was more than glad to be a part of it..

and while we are sharing our testimonies, one of our mentor man's friends comes in.. abishek.. he was in college there in Pune and he shared his testimony of how he came to accept Christ.. awesome.

and he prayed for us.. and it was honestly one of the most beautiful things i've ever heard.. having a thick indian accent, praying to the one TRUE God, instead of the 36 million others, was so refreshing..

***

oh.. and as if not talking to everybody wasn't hard enough on me, guess what else i couldn't do?? SMILE. what the heck?!! of course, if a girl caught it, well that would be alright.. but i could not smile to everyone..

see, we are walking along and i guess i was just cheesing it up.. ((cause i'm in india, duh..)) and mentor man was like 'oooh.. look, you might not want to keep smiling at these boys.. cause you're sending out a tooootally different message than what you're probably trying to send..'

really?? yeah.. so, that was absolutely hard to control.. ((i'm going to say all in all i failed in this not smiling area.. i couldn't help it.. sorry indian boys, i was just trying to say 'hey, i notice your presence' via smile..))

***

and today was our first day 'out' really.. we were off to meet college students!!! :)

we would just bop up into college hangouts (i.e. coffee shops, movies, malls, and whatnot..) and meet people.. cool, huh?? ((fyi, this is how i've ALWAYS wished people meeting/friend making was..)) so we would literally sit down at someone's table and just start talking.. these people are SO friendly.. i mean, it was not weird in the slightest that we just plopped down at their table and started conversation.. and seriously, after 5 mins of talking, we would exchange numbers and hang out later.. and they thought it not creepy at all.. ((like most americans would))

so yeah, definitely diggin their friendship customs waaaaaay more..

***

oh man..

we were walking out of the mall, and the beggar children always run up to us ((b/c we're white)) and beg for money.. ((but we don't give money, because that would only go to their like gangster owner.. so we just give them food and water or clothes and stuff like that..)) well, my crew had managed to zip through the herd of little kids.. and i was stuck behind.. and had nothing on me at all to begin with.. but this one little girl.. oh this little girl.. she grabs me.. tight.. and is pushing me backwards.. ((yes, she had a super strength)) and man.. you could just feel these bad spirits.. my body instantly turned stone cold.. this girl was chanting the most evil things.. and you could really feel and see the demons.. it was so sad.. and it was so weird.. you see God's creation and you see demons all in this beautiful little girl..

so. here we go. day one.

2009-09-08T00:07:00.000-07:00

well we get out and about the streets of india!! we first go to the indian gate.. apparently a huge landmark and need-to-see of the indian people.. but when walk up to check it out, we quickly became the attraction..

people were running up to us and taking pictures of us.. and then they would ask to take pictures with us.. how crazy is that?!?! we were total celebrities.. for once in my life, i was excited to be white.. they loved us.. and the rest of the group was getting a little tired of this 'paparazzi'.. but man, i was loving it.. they were so pumped up about seeing an american.. i couldn't let them down by being too proud to take some pictures with em.. ;)

***

a lady blew me a kiss.. and it actually wasn't that creepy to me.. well, i thought it was the norm, since girls only talk to girls.. but later i learn that that was not a common way of saying hey.. but, oh well..

***

and i met snoop dog. ((yeah, the guy finds out we were from america, and well, that's all they know about us.. snoop dog)) and as he introduces himself as such, and i question the sincerety of his claiming to be snoop.. he says 'oh yeah!', while busting an air guitar move.. ((didn't know snoop played guitar like a rocker.. haha..))

and then he invites me to come back and take over his business of selling maps.. i politely declined..

friendly people

((oh and if you're confused about my earlier comment on the no boy/girl talking, boys can talk to girls if it involves business.. and you can talk, of course, if you are a little rebellious to your culture.. duh..))

***

oh man.. i LOVED this!! we were just hanging out.. and this dude walks up to one of the guys in our group and was like 'dude, you have something in your ear'.. so he brushes his ear off.. and the guy was like "i'll get it".. and this kid starts CLEANING HIS EAR.. what?!?!! yes.. we were laughing SO hard.. i mean, this little kid breaks out a fanny-pack full of ear-cleaning utensils and just goes to town on my friends ears..

and then he wanted him to pay..

***

oh man.. you have to straight make your shower.. well, really you just turn on a geyser.. ((spelling??)) and well, first night.. i kinda break it.. ((sorry emily turner..)) and as i'm taking this FREEZING cold shower, i just have to chant consistently "i love the lord.. i love the lord.. i love the lord!!!!" reminding myself why i was there.. fun times.. really.

***

oh man.. and PRAISE the LORD there was mcdonalds.. ((lame, i know..)) and it is waaaaay better than ours.. just sayin.. everything is just a tad spicier and the ketchup just a bit sweeter and in india, mustard=HONEY MUSTARD!! could this place be ANY more beautiful??!!! i don't think so.. oh but it was..

and cool tid-bit.. you automatically get coke.. no choice.. you have to get it.. AND if your food isn't served in LESS than a MINUTE, you get a coke for free.. i know.. i know.. amazing..

***

and for supper, we went to a top of the line indian restaurant.. so im trying out this whole indian food thing.. fun.. very fun.. ((and indian food is absolutely delicious, by the way)) but the first thing i tried clogged every artery i ever had in just one bite.. it was saltier than salt.. intense.. but everything was sooooo good!!

***

oh. and i accept candy from strangers.. so what?? ((turns out, it was a hindu blessingish thing.. but hey, we didn't know.. and we have Jesus.. so no biggie..)) but definitely won't be doing that for a while.. good candy though..

arriving into INDIA!!

2009-09-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

so. i made it to india. and i just could not believe i was actually there. but, i guess i really was.

we landed in bombay and had a hired driver drive us to Pune, which is the town we would be staying at. and anyway, our driver was a dude. and they DO NOT speak to girls. DO NOT! for india is basically a male dominating country. and women are valued less than cows. yeah. antyways, it kinda hurt me. i mean, i was in INDIA!! i wanted to make a million indian friends! i didn't care if you were boy, girl, 5, or 80. i wanted to be your friend. but no, we can't talk to guys and they can't talk to us. and God made Eve for a purpose, you know. and it was not to be quiet and disrespected by guys. i'm pretty sure.

STILLLLLL on the plane!!! 15 hours later..

2009-09-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

ok, well.. here i go again, thinking i'm some sort of poet/songwriter/something of that effect.. (toooootally not, by the way) but when i sit on my swing, i just bust a little rap, or dish out a little folk tune.. ((hate to admit to all this, but this must be prefaced to show how God will let your little dreams come true..))

but here's a little "verse", if you will..

i want to be at the bottom of the cloud,

that's ready to pour out and flood this town

of the hearts that have dried up and broken apart

from lack of fulfillment and loss of their God

and as i'm piercing through the clouds (via airplane), God kinda nudges me and says,

well, you're at the bottom of the clouds.. are you ready?? to pour out my love and flood this town?? and to quench the dried hearts in my name?? that i may mold them back into the likeness of me??

wow. that's what i was like. wow.

He loves me, don't He??

plane talk

2009-09-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

i have no clue where this came from.. well, God i guess.. but i don't know why..

we're always going out and ministering to the poor or less fortunate.. ((which is GREAT, because it's our job and what we're called to do..)) but, what about the rich guys?? don't they need Jesus too?? i mean Jesus himself said it'd be easier for that big ole camel to squeeze through that little needle eye than for a rich man to enter in.. so, seems to me like we might should be hardcore witnessin to the top dawgs.. cause they need to see GOD'S richness and love, because they are so horribly blinded by their own richness.. ((one of my fav. bands notes "possession= the king of sin))

once again, absolutely not dishing the ministry to the less fortunate AT ALL.. i'm just trying to emphasize that we desperately need to love each other EQUALLY.. EVERYONE needs Jesus.. not just the people worse off than you, not just the people with "more sin" than you, but absolutely everyone..

God loves us equally, so lets relay the message..

new school year. new person.

2009-08-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

oh man..

i have just arrived back home from an amazing good time in gulf shores with some of possibly the greatest people ever.. temple church in ruston has a beach retreat every year to have some crazy good fellowship and most importantly to get the freshman plugged in.. and plugged into something good..

and i was so glad i was a part of it.. last year, i remember all i wanted was for someone, preferably an upperclassman, to just take me in and show me just some genuine love of Christ.. so this year, i am more than excited to be able to offer this to other people.. i like having people under my wing.. i love letting God use me in this way.. so i absolutely cannot wait for this year to begin and to just have a ridiculously fun time with all these super fantastic new people.. and to try and conform to Christ's image all the while..

random found "poetry"..

2009-07-09T20:37:00.001-07:00

so.. i guess i've wrote "poems" all my life.. and well, anyways.. i ran across a batch of them the other day.. from a span of like 9 years.. crazy, right?? so.. i thought it'd be rather humorous to post some of them.. so i guess from now on you will just be checkin out some old school rhymes..

here's one..

please don't cry the day i die and leave this world behind.

just keep living for Christ and pay my death no mind.

for i am sitting with Him in the paradise promised above.

but do remember life's short and people need to know of His love.

and yes, I'm actually flying in my body made new.

and if you're a child of God, you soon will be too.

Jesus gave the answers to every question i ever had.

and so you know, He really does love you, so smile and be glad.

Jesus and I race on the streets of gold, free from all sin.

and since He's the judge, He always lets me win.

so please don't cry the day i die, telling this boring world goodbye.

but tell everyone about God's grace and of the party on high.

and rest assured that the next sunset you see,

will be painted by none other, than Jesus and me

haha.. NO clue when this was written..

journal #3

2009-07-04T21:51:00.000-07:00

so i don't know why this hit me like it did.. but whatever.. i guess maybe it needed to..

during our mission part of bible school, we were watching a video of just some kid in a small village.. i don't really remember at all what it was about.. i just know at the beginning they filmed a little boy, dirty with torn clothes just sitting on the street.. and this girl that was sitting in front of me turns around and asks me "Do they have food there?"..

i honestly do not even remember what i told her.. i was just shocked that that was the first thing that came to her mind..

but i remember when i was little i wondered about those kids that didn't get to eat.. i felt so bad for them.. i mean, how were they living?! i didn't understand.. and i guess the reality is, that, they aren't..

but i just had to wonder what makes us lose this pain and concern for the starving and hurting when we get older?? what is it about a child's mind that so fully comprehends compassion?? why does that quality seem to dwindle away the older we get??

i think the only thing that keeps me in check is matthew 25:40..

but i'm trying really hard to find that child-like mindset.. it's still in all of us.. we just need to re-locate it..

time-out..

2009-06-29T20:31:00.000-07:00

im taking a one-day break from my journals to throw in this grand canyon blog for my grandmother..

so. grand canyon=awesome..

but i must admit, the whole time i was there, i just stood and stared at it. i knew it was something amazing and incredible. but i just couldn't wrap my head around it. i kept trying to figure it out. but i just couldn't. God is even bigger than i imagined.. i mean, i knew he was a big guy, but i mean, how can somebody make this?? and still love me more?? i have no idea.. im still blown away..

oh, and these pictures soooooooooooo do not do the canyon justice.. but you might can get a little taste of it..

journal #2

2009-06-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

so for this school year, I’m sharing an apartment with my friend megan.. and I’d say it was all pretty much a God thing how we got to actually room together..

but antyways, megan came on the mission trip to utah.. so.. by spending every single day and with her, I came to know her a little better..

long story(s) short, God has blessed me yet again.. megan is a beautiful girl that really desires people to come to Christ.. and I desperately need/want that energy around me.. 24/7..

so I guess I wrote this just to thank God for the amazing life and blessings He’s so freely giving me..

but…. Haha!! Megan apparently is a magnet to every single being of the opposite sex.. so, I surely have my hands full.. cant have all these scrubs tryin to steal our focus, ya know what im sayin?? ;) So.. pray for us still.. but I know we’ll be just fine and will have the time of our lives..

Go Dawgs!!

journal #1

2009-06-27T10:14:00.000-07:00

soooo!! i'm back from utah!! well, i say back.. but i'm actually here in new mexico for canon's jr high rodeo finals.. and it is B-E-A-U-TIFUL here, so i am sooo not complaining..

antyways.. utah was a success, i guess you could say.. james and i helped with the kindergarten through third grade class.. we had a blast with the kids and i think they had a ball themselves..

so. for journal #1.

we were in bible class.. and the question asked was "how can we worship God?" (now keep in mind, these kids do not go to church and have no idea what the cliche sunday school answers are..) so this one kid raises his hand and says "Be nice to people.." well, of course that answer was shot down, because it didn't meet the typical worship answer.. but my gosh!! that is so right!! maybe if we didn't try to sound like we knew all the answers in the back of the book, and just got real for a second, we might find out what it truly looks like to worship God..

be nice to people.. duh.. i'm pretty sure God's favorite way of worship is to love other people.. am i wrong?? and i'm pretty sure one of the first definitions of love is niceness.. lets see.. 1 cor. 13 love is patient, love is kind.. yep.. thought so..

i know that reading the Word and praising him are ways of worship.. but i just wished being nice to people would become a typical answer.. maybe then we would see more of Christ's love here..

headin back to my heart.

2009-06-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

so. i leave for utah in the morning. and i am WAAAY too ready!! the excitement factor cannot be expressed.. its crazy how fast you fall in love with these kids.. crazy fast..
but God always speaks to me when i go off.. I mean, He always does.. but there's something different about it when i see more of His creations.. people and land.. or maybe i just listen better.. ANTYWAYS. I'm going to try and "journal" everyday and blog it when i get back..

in the meantime, i ask that you pray.
Pray for the children.
Pray for us.
Pray for something to happen.

in case someone doesn't know..

2009-06-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

God always answers prayers.

He just sometimes says no.

i don't know where we get off thinkin that we know what's best.. its rather funny, actually.. why would we, mere humans, think we know exactly what needs to go down?? and why would we tell God, creater of all, knower of all, what needs to happen?? do we think HE doesn't know?! duh. its just crazy to think people get so mad when God doesn't answer our commands as we wanted him to. instead he does whats best for us..

silly humans.

so if god's not crazy, i dont know who is..

2009-06-10T07:33:00.000-07:00

so i set out today to get my shots for india.. ((umm, YAY!!)) and we had called monroe health unit last week and they had the shots.. so i would just bop up in there monday and get em.. BUT. when we called this morning, they were in fact out of the shots i needed.. and it might take up to a month before they could get some more.. umm.. that was not going to work for me.. for i will already be in india.. sooo, we called natchez health unit and they happened to have some.. heck. yes.. praise ye tha lort.. so me and my grandma, moma jean headed to out to mississippi..

after some super great directions, we happened to eventually run into this place.. and the receptionist there was just too cool and helpful as can be.. it was ridiculous.. i've never been treated so nice like that by a receptionist.. anyways. i go to the back room to get my shots :) and the doctor was completely fascinated i was going to india to do what i do.. she was genuinely happy i was going and her reaction to me going was far more enthusiastic and optimistic than anyones that i told i was going to india.. and that was just the encouragement i needed..

and usually, my family only goes to natchez for 2 things.. cock of the walk. or fat mamas.. some of the coolest restaruants in the world.. but today, for some reason, those places totally fell out of the back of our minds.. so we pass a big mexican looking place and turned up in there.. for we do NOT pass us mexican food.. ever.. and wouldn't you know it!! there in natchez, in fiesta grande, is my old friend from winnsboro!! and it was sooo nice to see her!! and see she was doing alright.. total relief.

isn't it crazy how God would have monroe run out of over-seas shots to send me to natchez to meet an angel for encouragement?? and isn't it crazy how God would make us totally forget about Fat Mamas, so we would turn into the first mexican place we see, so i could see and old friend that just dissappeared?? i vote yes.

so. i pretty much love my grandparents.

2009-06-03T15:26:00.000-07:00

just a cool afternoon.

on the way back to crowville, i get behind one of the slowest drivers in the world, my old bus driver. and i just couldn't get mad at him for driving negative 5 miles an hour. he's just too nice. he just politely gives you 'the wave' to let you know its clear to pass. in all seriousness, i think no one can be angered at him.

i dont know. that just made my day.

and then when i get home, i start working on a lil project i got goin on. which creating things in itself just sets me free on a ridiculous level. and then the grandparentals come knockin on the door with a ginormous route 44 cherry limeade. ahh!! i just got some shots today, and even though i'm not a sissy when it comes to shots and i maybe even secretly like them, i still in the back of my mind thought i should have got a sticker or sucker or some kind of reward for getting them. and here come nelson and beulah with the best shot reward in the world.

i. love. my life.

oooooo...

2009-06-01T10:42:00.001-07:00

ANDDD!!!

we had a high ropes course..

which, if you do not know, is basically an obstacle course in the sky.. well, not so much the sky, but just 40 feet in the air.. with the end of the course being zip line.. and it was AWESOME!! probably the closest thing to flying i'll get to here on earth.. so yeah, i was diggin it..

and it gave me and my friend Ramanda a whole new appreciation for the song "You Never Let Go" by Matt Redman..

so i've seen a lot of God in the past few weeks..

2009-06-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

:)

soo.. just did a true love waits weekend for the beloved youth of baskin baptist.. (i really love these kids like crazy..) and they had some pretty amazing leaders.. with some pretty amazing purity testimonies.. very inspiring..

and i am one of blunt honesty's greatest fans.. so this weekend was just right up my alley.. there really was no candy-coated words/scenarios.. everything was just thrown out there.. so if any kids were like me, and are sometimes slow to catch on to some things, they definitely had to question nothing.. it was blunt. it was clear. and it was great.

i really hope these kids learned what exactly purity is.. because i know the definition has definitely been skewed and twisted across the years.. and i hope they decide to go down this road.. because i know at the end of it will be something so beautiful and sacred. and no one should miss out on it.. and i pray that every kid that makes this decision sticks with it and pursues it with all that is within them..

just heard this on seinfeld.. thought it was funny enough to share..

2009-05-18T16:15:00.000-07:00

Elaine: Oh. So, you're pretty religious?

Puddy: That's right.

Elaine: So is it a problem that I'm not really religious?

Puddy: Not for me.

Elaine: Why not?

Puddy: I'm not the one going to hell.

it just made me laugh..

have a good day, yall..

skip days have always been my favorite..

2009-05-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

so God blesses me.. like crazy.. we all know this.. he has blessed me with this ridiculously amazing job.. i take pictures of parties.. its great.. and this week i had to work at a junior skip day on the lake.. and this day was packed with beautiful things.. i could not escape it.. first off, the people, these little high school kids, were all absolutely beautiful.. and their whole class was only about 50, so they were all extremely close, which in itself was amazing.. not one was ever out of the loop, there were no clicks.. they were all just so cool with each other.. it was the neatest thing.. and secondly, the place.. the sun was so bright and the lake sparkled and glistened like it had nothing else to do.. it was mesmerizing, man.. i couldn't stop staring at it.. and the sky.. the sky blew me away.. it was so perfect and blue.. the clouds were so white.. a holy white.. you could feel the cotton's jealousy.. and the trees were ginourmous and a thousand different shades of green.. you just had to be there.. it was screaming God.. the wind could not have been a better temperature.. it slapped us in the face all day long, and we didn't dare complain.. it was the best feeling ever.. God's beauty is everywhere.. go find it..

dumb things.

2009-05-13T20:50:00.000-07:00

woa.

so my psych teacher just told us the prices for some of these therapy sessions.. ri-dic-u-lous.. its insane.. WHY would you pay for that?! God is the answer to all that, to everything, as cliche as it may be.. and He's FREE!! what are people thinking?? they're not, i guess.. maybe we should sit outside psychotherapy offices and tell people about Jesus..

who knows?? we might could help save their life.. and money..

Oh Kelsey..

2009-05-11T17:43:00.000-07:00

i went to a fall out boy concert a few weeks back (AAAHHHH!! It was AMAZING!!! Everything I ever dreamt it would be. I think I embarrassed the friends I was with, because I was freaking out beyond words.

ANYWAYS. One of the opening bands happened to be MetroStation. The band that just happens to sing the best song in the world, ‘kelsey’. Seriously, best song ever.

So I was looking through those sweet memories via photo files on this precious mac of mine, and I ran across the recording of MetroStation singing ‘Kelsey’.. and I hate telling people this, because they seldom to never believe me, but I didn’t hear MetroStation singing, I heard God. And I cried. Not even gonna lie.

The lyrics are as follows, (as God sang them. For MetroStation’s version, hit up youtube or something.)

Oh Kelsey.

I’d swim the ocean for you, the ocean for you.

Oh, Kelsey.

I made the ocean for you, the ocean for you.

Oh, Kelsey.

And you never ever let me in.

I love the I’d swim the ocean for you. Because I know he really would. As many people that tell me they’d swim the ocean for me, I know the only one who would actually ever do such extremes, is in fact my Father. And this made me smile.

But I made the ocean for you.. well, I reckon that’s what brought me to tears. Because it’s so true. I guess we do get to use water from the ocean, and I do guess some people make it a vacation to cruise on it and fish out of it and whatnot, but lets face it yall, he made that thing for me. Not for the fancy postcards to send to your friends back in the dryer states. He made the ocean for me. Because He knows how crazy I am over beautiful things. How moved I am by the sound of waves competing to hit the sand first, only to be drawn right back to where they started. How the vastness of it blows my mind to the point where I have to fall on my knees. And for him to make that massive liquid beauty that takes up 70% of the earth just for me, well yeah, that kind of moves me.

And the last part kind of broke my heart.. (and these are the true lyrics.. and he kept them.. of course, God could have made his point with the ocean stuff and then shut up to let me continue reliving the memories, but this applies either way..)

And you never ever let me in. Now, do realize that I have let God come into my life. But probably just on my terms. I just want him to come into the parts of my life where I needed him. But that is not what he wants. He wants all of me. He wants in every aspect of my life. Not just the parts that I see fit for him to be.

And I thought that part of the song was sad when MetroStation sang it. I was like what kind of girl would not let this boy into her life?! He is crazy over her, telling her he would swim the ocean for her and she never let him in!!! umm rude! what a ladyjerk.

And then to think that I would not let the man who MADE the ocean for me have all of my life, well, that is the ultimate saddest thing. Forget MetroStation’s Kelsey being mean. I am the ultimate ladyjerk.

But I am letting God in. Letting God in to every single part of my life. He made it after all. My life. And The ocean.

another day in psychology

2009-05-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

i doubted His existence.

and He still loves me.

i ignore His words.

and He still loves me.

i run from Him

and He still loves me.

i bring His name down.

and He still loves me.

i take His glory

and He still loves me.

i steal from His children.

and He still loves me.

i have hated His people.

and He still loves me.

i have broken His beautiful heart a million times and more.

when i should be locked and burning in hell,

God opens His door

and loves me even more.

never ending, unconditional love is what draws me to this man.

why turn to religion and tired philosophy when something real is at hand?

i could never leave this sacred romance; it's the only thing i've known to be true.

and i will seek only Him that creates breath until my life is through.

an aMAEzing day!!!!

2009-04-26T15:17:00.000-07:00

so my dear friend Alyssa calls me up thursday night and asks me if i wanted to go to a free Mae concert in shreveport.. which was a very stupid question..

so friday morning we drove off to the port, totally unaware it would be the best day of our lives!!

we get to LSUS, which is where the bands are to play, but nobody was there.. and we were kinda freakin out.. for 2 reasons.. 1. this must have been all a joke.. which seemed right, because how could LSUS get MAE to come there for FREE to play to a bunch of unappreciative of good music punks?? or 2. we were going to get our own little personal concert..

so we sit on the steps and begin to speak of cool musical fantasies when one of the dudes from comes up to us and asks if we could come listen to the bands that were about to play.. and when the group i was with proceeded to just stare at him like he was an idiot, i took it upon myself to say 'duh, that's what we came for'..

and when i tell you no one was here for these bands, i mean no one.. me, ali, and alyssa were the ONLY people up there for these bands.. and GREAT bands, at that..

so.. there is this little band, tokyo.. pretty legit little band.. but the singer dude looked all too familiar.. and guess who he was??! the keys guy for MAE.. yes sir.. it was.. and when all this is hitting me, he us our names.. ((chyeaaaaah..)) and then he dedicated THE COOLEST song ever to me!!! AHHH!!! yes. yes he did.. Mae dedicated a song to me.. please control your jealousy..

then he ordered us to come hang out with him after his little show.. and believe you me, we did.. he just bounced off the stage and come and introduced himself.. and then he had wrote his myspace music url or whatever on a little piece of yellow notepad and gave it to me.. haha.. it was so funny.. but very cool.. i cherish it dearly..

ohhh.. i actually have a million stories to tell about this day, but i have a paper due.. so im just gonna hit on one of the best highlights.. so.. mae has one song left to sing.. but they dont sing it.. because.. BECAUSE.. they asked me to come on stage and sing it.. and i did.. oooohh.. i did.. i screamed in that mic like nobody's business.. i sang with mae, yall.. I SANG WITH MAE!!! and i DANCED WITH MAE!!

God loves me, yall.. and i love the ways He proves it to me.. ANNNDDDDD.. the waitress lady gave me 2 free lemonades at buffalo wild wings.. ANNNNNDDDD i met a brazilian midget.. good day?? umm. yeah..

maybe i should be a gideon.. can girls be gideons??

2009-04-21T14:03:00.000-07:00

so im walking to breakfast with victoria.. and when we reach the top of the horrific hill, there is a little ole gideon man.. and he shoves a little green new testament in our hands.. and i must be honest though, i wanted to give it bask because i have numerous bibles and i wanted mine to get to someone who has never had one.. but it was a pretty little green bible and it looked good in my hand.. so i keep it..

so continuing on my way to my bowl of cheerios and glass of orange juice, there is yet another gideon.. and he noticed their little bible in my hand and he smiled real big and said "i hope you enjoy!" and i said "oh.. oh i will!!".. but i really just wanted to stop and say 'really gideon, do i look like an atheist??'

guess i should have worn a christian t-shirt and a jesus fish necklace so they wouldn't assume i was a college partying wandering lost heathen..

well i bop up into psychology, throw the little bible in the seat next to me and there shortly two frat boys come sit by me.. one guy picks it up and starts flippin through it.. and his buddy says "hey man, that's hers!" and i say "oh no, darlin, it's ok.. you can have it.. i already have one.." and he says "dude.. im going to read it.. right now.." and his little buddy just laughed.. and i was like you're gonna get more out of that little book than we are in this whole class, so get after it..

so im writing my english paper (yeah, i know.. im such a multi-tasker writing my english paper while soaking up a psych lecture.. well i look over and ole boy is still reading.. and i got pretty excited.. then our psych teacher said something about sex and he looked up and put the bible down.. and i was like dang.. he's not gonna pick it up again.. i mean, who'd want to read the bible when you could just listen to your 23 yr old psych teacher tell her sex stories??

well apparently this guy.. he picks it up again and continues reading.. so i got excited again..

and i have to tell you.. with his little sparrys on, kaki shorts, striped polo shirt, and little kaki polo hat to match turned around backwards (totally rockin the frat boy look), reading this little 4 inch bible.. it was beautiful.. really.. it was..

class was dismissed and he walked out with it in hand..

so anyway.. i've just been wondering all day what he read.. if it made him think.. or change.. or believe.. cause im pretty sure you cant read the bible for 2 hours and not have something go down..

but anyways.. it was just great..

ima let her sizzle on this one.. ((actual conversation))

2009-04-08T18:57:00.000-07:00

girl in 3-d design class: hmmm.. i just haven't figured you out yet..

me: (a curious facial expression that demanded a further explanation..)

girl in 3-d design class: like i haven't got it yet.. you're either a really good girl.. or an extremely bad girl that comes off as a good girl..

me: HA!

girl in 3-d design class: so which is it??

me: aww man.. i'm just an extreme sinner saved by grace..

girl in 3-d design class: ... ... ... ... oh... ...

((job 1:21))

2009-03-31T18:38:00.000-07:00

If God never does another thing for you, ever, He's already done enough.

Praise Him.

God tells me this often.. because i forget often..

I've always thought it was kinda weird that we always prayed that God do this, and God do that, and God if you do just this one thing for me, (then insert a promise you know you are not going to keep.) He has already sent his only son to die so that you may have life. He paid the debt that you could never in a million lifetimes pay. He exchanges your hard and hateful heart for a pure and true heart to love others. He forgets your sins! How crazy is that?! And yet we continue to ask Him do more for us and get mad at Him when He tells us 'no' because its not best for us.

But that's just how beautiful he is. He just wants us to talk to Him. He just wants us to love him back..

We are too blessed.

Praise Him.

its amazing what a little love can do..

2009-03-23T15:39:00.000-07:00

the girls from our d-now group this weekend led 3 of their classmates to Christ today..

and i should not have to attempt to express how ridiculously pumped i am about this, because you, too, should be indescribably excited..

((do everything in love)) 1 cor. 16:14

2009-03-22T11:24:00.000-07:00

wow.. so i just walked through my door (literally) after leaving an amazing and God-driven d-now.. baskin had their regular d-now this weekend, and i was asked to be a leader.. (fyi, had i not been, i would still have driven to the b-town and got down with them anyways.. i LOVE baskin children.. just love em..) along with the ever-so beautiful ms rebecca griggs, the ever-so hilarious mr mike young, the ever-so fun mr matt howell, the ever-so akward yet ever-so lovable mr lawson poole, the ever-so loved by a vast majority of young jr high kids mr fresh, the ever-so genuine caring emily turner, the ever-so normany norman elrod, (and yes, normany is acutally an adjective, and if you are to ever meet norman, you will never question this.) and his awesome, gorgeous sister ms wina elrod, the ever-so black-eyed sweet jamie (james) hill, the ever-so incredible ms kristin carson, the ever-so cool shelby wilson, the ever-so crazyfunny emily fuller, and this dude, wes, which i do not know all that well, but he seems to really love the Lord, so he's pretty much good in my book.. and then my parter, the ever-so amazing and dear ms ramanda berries.. i LOVE these people.. and i know God used them greatly this weekend.. the kids loved them and looked up to them.. and even literally, for the most part.. so baskin was super blessed to have all these great, college-goin punks give up their weekend to let God use them for these kids.. as they are always blessed to have their youth ministers, brian and julie, two real Christians that give their everyday to God..

but man, where to start.. umm.. i'll just go.. saturday night.. you could in all seriousness feel the hearts breaking and walls being torn down.. getting stuff right with the Lord.. and with other people.. some kids come to know Jesus and accept them as what he is.. a Savior.. kids everywhere praying and praising together.. it was too beautiful.. i want to live in that high everyday.. and we can.. if we pursue Christ and love others as he loved us..

which is what the whole weekend was about.. Live Love.. it is so simple.. just love other people.. i can't put it any plainer than God did himself..

we show our love for God by obeying his commandments, and they are not hard to follow. 1 john 5:3

by this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. john 13:35

my command is this: love each other as i have loved you. john 15:12 ((and we do realize He died for us, right??))
but if we say we love God and don't love each other, we are liars. We cannot see God. So how can we love God, if we don't love the people we can see? 1 john 4:20

i mean, if you dont get that, i honestly dont know how to word it any better..

and i do belive this is my all-time favorite quote..

I am told that Christians do not love each other, I am very sorry if that be true, but I rather doubt it, for I suspect that those who do not love each other are not Christians. -charles spurgeon-

i really could go on and on forever and ever about this.. but its so simple.. we just have to do it.. there is no such thing as a lukewarm christian.. thats an oxymoron.. it makes no sense.. its all or nothing..

and all this time i thought you could have fun sober.. dang..

2009-03-15T13:23:00.000-07:00

so i'm workin at a party, right.. and i'm snappin pictures of everyone screamin my name (which changes from 'kelsey' to 'party pic!!!' the second i strap that 15 lb camera on me..) but the high demand for a snapshot goes down when some girl dropped a ping pong ball and no one at this entire party can bend down and get it without falling flat on their face.. (the funniest sight ever, by the way..)

amongst all the confusion, i see this guy with his little baseball cap on backwards, propped up against a pole with his arms crossed. with the saddest look on his face.. he looked like the puppy that all his brothers and sisters had been bought already and he was the only dog left in the window.. real sad, ok??

i went over to him and the conversation went like this..

me: hey, man, you look so sad.. what's wrong??
sad guy: i'm sober..

so as funny as that kinda is, how sad is that?? i mean, really?? and he was dead serious.. people are so dependent on stuff for happiness.. this dude's mind was so set on him not having the slightest bit of fun because he couldn't drink.. how terribly lame is that??

we (christians) need to step up.. like really bring up our game.. we need to show people we can have fun without going with the ways of the world.. let's face it.. christians are profiled to this 'uptight, hypocritical, live-by-the-rules, boring lame-o's..' and i have to admit, as of right now, they're pretty much right.. (with the exception of some of dear friends ;) mkay..) we need to start living, guys.. show the world we are so far from that uptight stereotype.. Jesus didn't give his life for us to be bored and not making a move without checkin the rulebook.. He came so that we can have a life and live it to the fullest (john 10:10, remember??)

God is not going to get mad if you dye your hair blue.. God is not going to get mad if you have a party.. God is not going to get mad if you dance!! (unless you dance half naked on a t-pain video, then that might kinda upset him just a little) God is not going to get mad if you sing your heart out in public facilities.. God is not going to get mad if you be yourself..

God is not going to get mad if you live..

we should be having more fun that anybody..

san lucas

2009-03-08T19:45:00.000-07:00

so one of my really good friends called me the other day to take his senior pictures.. ((umm, honored!!)) plus he is an incredibly beautiful person.. he would look gorgeous in his pics even if he had an untrained monkey take them.. well, i guess he kinda did.. ((and he has a girlfriend that's just as beautiful..))

but this dude.. this dude loves the Lord.. and it shows.. in everything he does, he brings glory to God.. its crazy.. inspiring, even..

i remember i used to think he looked like Jesus.. he had long, brown curly hair.. and always wore sandals.. and never did anything wrong.. it amazed me..

and even though I don't think this anymore, because he can wear a ponytail now, and i dont think Jesus would wear a ponytail.. you can still see Christ shine through him..

see for yourself..

ladies and gents.. mr. san lucas!!

i'm not the average from your video..

2009-03-07T16:21:00.000-08:00

Mainstream. They just couldn’t get enough of Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys. Their gross-me-out music was like glued to fm 102. But I remember enduring all those stupid songs. I was too scared to turn the station in fear they would stop the teeny bop music and put on my favorite song, and I would miss it. So I stuck it out.

I rediscovered it the other day and it reminded me of some things God had told me back in the day. Look it up. Video, by India Arie. It will make you smile, I promise. You just can't help it.

We are all created in GOD’S image. To call someone ugly is like slapping God in the face. People are beautiful.

Seriously.

I have never in my life seen anyone that wasn’t beautiful. And neither have you.

Oooo.. And then there’s these girls OOOO.. THESE GIRLS!! These girls that know God. And know they are fearfully and wonderfully made. And yet they say, ‘oh I wish I were beautiful.’ Really?? I seriously want to punch every one of them in their already gorgeous, God-created face. How dare they diss their creator like that! I mean, for real, how can you say that!? God sat down and thought of you. Planned and created your perfect features. You. And you have the nerve to question and deny your beauty?! Way to be appreciative of the one-of-a-kind beauty God created just for you.

Rude.

I just don’t think individual beauty is expressed enough. People, magazines, and everything else in the media say that uniqueness is beautiful. Then they tell you how to look. Umm... What’s up with that?

But another thing about beauty, that is slightly scary, is that it can be hidden. And I don’t mean through make-up (although I rather abhor that stuff), but I mean through actions. Through lifestyle. And I’m not going to get to get into the whole ‘inner beauty’ thing. We all know what that is, and we all know of its power.

But I really think beauty is hidden when hearts are hard.

And beauty shines when our spirits are alive and pure.

Maybe she’s born with is, maybe its Maybelline. Umm no, multi-billion dollar company striving to hide the gorgeous faces of America under layers of make-up, she is definitely born with it.

possibly the beginning of something beautiful..

2009-03-06T20:57:00.000-08:00

welp, looks like i'm entering the whole blog world..

kinda scary..

((not really..))

and i guess i'll just copy and paste my latest research paper, on the count of my thoughts aren't nearly gathered enough to even begin to type them.. and i am way too excited to not post anything.. sorry i'm so lame.. i just can't help it..

"They give you a gun and you have to kill the best friend you have. They do it to see if they can trust you. If you don't kill him, your friend will be ordered to kill you. I had to do it because otherwise I would have been killed. That's why I got out. I couldn't stand it any longer." -17-year-old boy, from Columbia, forced to join the paramilitary at age 7.

"I feel so bad about the things that I did. It disturbs me so much that I inflicted death on other people. When I go home I must do some traditional rites because I have killed. I must perform these rites and cleanse myself. I still dream about the boy from my village that I killed. I see him in my dreams, and he is talking to me, saying I killed him for nothing, and I am crying." -16-year-old girl after demobilization from an armed group in Central Africa.

Child Soldiers are children that are abducted from their homes and forced to fight in combat. These boys and girls are anywhere from 7 to 18 years of age. Government forces, paramilitary associations, and rebel groups are forcing over 300,000 children to fight in more than 30 countries around the world. Africa has the largest number of child soldiers. Due to war and human rights violations, another approximate 20 million children have to run away from their homes.

Child soldiers carry out a variety of tasks such as laying mines, planting bombs, investigating, pretending to be decoys, acting as messengers or guards, cooking and doing household tasks (Child Soldiers). The children, once involved in the war, become spies, suicide bombers, mine sweepers, or are put on the front line of battle. A countless number of children are forced to become sex slaves, both girls and boys.

When the children are taken in as sex slaves, they are daily threatened by rape, domestic violence, sexual abuse, trafficking, sexual humiliation and mutilation. Use of rape and other forms of violence against women has become a common strategy in wars for all sides. After the 1994 genocide in Rwanda, investigative reports concluded that almost every female 12 years of age and older who survived the genocide was raped.

Several of these children are demanded to viciously murder their own families, friends, and people of their neighborhood. So when the children come back to their homes, they are repeatedly neglected. In excess of 6 million children are wounded, regularly suffering extreme emotional and mental damaging, resulting in the loss of their individual growth. In just the last decade, more than 2 million children were killed as a firsthand consequence of war.

The use of child soldiers is an extremely serious matter. But there are a few things we can do to assist in their release.

One of the easiest ways we can help bring these children out of war is by giving. Your money will help. No amount is too small. Invisible Children: Rough Cut is a documentary filmed by three that traveled to Africa in search of a story. What they got was so much more. The movie hit the hearts of millions of people. After seeing this heartbreaking reality, people around the world made their donations to help these children. Since the film Invisible Children: Rough Cut was released, night commuting for the children of northern Uganda has ended. Night commuting is where the children go to government buildings, such as hospitals, to sleep. The children sleep on the floors of these buildings, back to back, head to foot. They seek rest in these places in fear that if they went home, the rebel groups would abduct or kill them.

Another suggestion to help support this cause is to strongly encourage peace talks. For the past few years, the region has been closer to peace than ever before. In Juba, Sudan, from June 2006 to March 2008, the Lord’s Resistance Army and the Government of Uganda had a series of peace talks to pursue the end of their disagreement. These peace talks, which were supported by exclusive envoys from the United States, along with other nations, permitted for the longest time of peace ever in the 23-year battle of northern Uganda.

There are international laws that forbid the use of child soldiers, so seeing that our laws are strictly enforced is a third alternative to help. But the number of child soldiers today is still close to that of four years ago. Jo Becker, advocacy administrator for the Children's Rights Division states, “Until the government takes genuine steps to implement its laws, children will continue to be snatched off the streets and forced into military service”. We, as American citizens, should take a stand and see to it that our laws are completely enforced.

Volunteering is also an excellent way in contributing to the cause of child soldiers. If we were to take these children as refugees, we could give them a place to find peace. Rehabilitation programs could greatly help these children. Maybe with our help, these children could live the childhood they dream of having and the one that everyone deserves.

There is no doubt that these children grow up with severe mental and emotional issues. All the stress and horror of war ultimately handicaps the children. Their minds have known nothing other than killing. They have never learned anything more. They have never experienced anything more. If a child soldier is given a blank piece of paper to draw, the child will draw a gun or a man in a military suit, because that is the only thing the child can identify with. If nothing else, we could at least spread the word about the seriousness of child soldiers. By simply purchasing a War Child or Invisible Children shirt, we would be contributing a small amount of our money; and by wearing the shirt we would be raising awareness for everyone we come into contact with.

If we are not helping to get them out, we are helping to keep them in.